Advantage

One friend once told me,

"You forgive everybody, you don't revenge. You may look harsh and fierce, saying you hate certain people, but I know there is soft spot inside you, you don't hate them actually. You're too kind and innocent, yet people are using you. They talk crap at your back, then find you when they need you, because you'll surely help them. 

I know you very well, and what they said are b******t. Really. *** also said the same thing to me, she doesn't agree what they've said, even you being kind and take no port about bad stuff, they're still people talk bad about you. But I know they're wrong."

I used to think, I don't mind what people want to talk my negative sides, I'm not a Prophet, I'm imperfect, same as you people. Indeed they're many aspects in our way are unacceptable, even being kind and optimistic. I complained about others as well, but not because I'm merely do not satisfy about 'em, it's when I found it's too wrong to do. Mama told me the same thing, I'm one who always have no heart looking people in trouble, yet troubling myself, and troubling my family. Sorry.

My teacher always said,

"Treat your friend as if one day he/ she'll become your enemy, and treat you enemy as if one day he/ she'll become our friend."

I keep thinking, I don't want to do that. How can I treat my friend like an enemy? I can never do that! I can treat my enemy like a friend, because I can tolerate with my hatred towards 'em. And I do forgive people. It has taken 4 years for me to understand the meaning behind. 

BE CAREFUL. 

DON'T TRUST PEOPLE TOO EASY, BECAUSE PEOPLE CHANGE. 

THEY'RE NOT ANGELS.

Hating people, making enemy, keeping grudge - all are the things that hated by Allah. If we do what is hated by the Mighty one, how can we live by His blessings?

p/s: this is my self-expression, DO NOT ask me what happened. 

A single year passed.

It's been a year since the tragedy I accidentally cut my fingers. If you're wandering about it, read here. The longest period of MC break ever I got - 22 days! Ha3. Then, I had to attend the Bina Insan Guru (BIG) with wounded finger. (See background, I was in oil palm plantation).

FAQs about the incident (which sometimes I don't know how to answer):

Q: How did you feel when your finger was cut? Did the wound really hurt?
A: Only Allah knew how did I feel. When I was admitted at the hospital, the nurse asked me to give pain scale (1-10),  first day I said it was 5, and the second day I said was 6. I could've give it higher but I put my maximum strength to endure the pain. The pain increased after the operation performed. Well, it's just minor injury anyway. I know there are many people suffer much more than me. :)

Q: Did you cry when it happened?
A: I had no time to cry the moment my finger was cut, because I only think when I was going to complete my sculptures for final assessment. But I did when I was at home, trying to take out my shirt by right hand from a shelf (with other shirts), and suddenly all of 'em fell down and I couldn't hold 'em up by my left hand. It was the moment I burst into tears thinking how helpless I was, couldn't do what I normally did. Once is enough. ^_^ p/s: my tears is expensive ha3

Q: How long did it take to get fully healed?
A: Less than 4 months 'cuz I didn't skip physiotherapy. 

Q: Any changes in your life after the incident?
A: Yes, the way I equip my watch. I used to wear it at left wrist, but after the incident, I wear it at right wrist, until today. 

See the blue circle (left) and yellow circle (right)

Q: Any side effect?
A: Yup, my middle finger is crooked until today, even though I wore splint before. The splint is supposed to straighten the finger, but I didn't successfully straight. 90% I can say, but it's much better than before. Sometimes I do need to equip it 'cuz there's time my finger feel unpleasant. Plus, of course I have 3 scars.

Today, I already live as a healthy, happy and thankful person.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY CROOKED FINGER, WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

(^_^)V

p/s: Yey, this is the 100th entry!

Self-evaluation

"Take problems as God's ways to improve you. 

Remember, it takes a ton of pressure to make a diamond." 

- E&S

I always tell myself that I'm a strong person - and acclaimed myself I'm stronger than titanium. Allah doesn’t give me more than I can handle. I won't let something that doesn't matter cause me to lose something that does. 

No matter how bad it seems, I won't turn my back from Allah. He's the only one that will always be there for me. I'm blessed that I was born as a Muslim, so I learn every single day that faith and patience are the things that every mankind must have inside their soul, and never ever let it go.

"Sometimes the toughest people are the easiest to hurt. 

Treat people carefully and remember, feelings are fragile." 

- Unknown

So do mine. My heart could easily broken. But my mind will fight back telling me the broken pieces must be joint together immediately to get back the real form. That's why when I was condemned badly by someone, I just kept silent. I studied back what that person said - perhaps I'd get certain points for my self improvement. 

The reason I didn't fight back is not because I'm weak, but I'm strong enough to say - I don't even give a damn! I have my courtesy, I don't want to act rude. If I did, you'd regret, so do I. Because I will eventually say "This is so not myself". 

Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

4.13 pm: Went to BP Mall with Ayah.

Why with gloomy face? 

The main reason we went out to BP was to purchase my canvas, but no ideal size for what I required. I refused to buy canvas fabric for DIY one. Sad mode has just begun. Accompanying Ayah to shopping, eventually I had to walked alone (I'm quite sombre since yesterday), shopping myself, purchased a shirt and a CD game (Fable III - what I was questing so long). Well, at least I was able to smile back. ^___^

3 good things happened in this past 30 days.

1. The remaining non-absorbable sutures inside my finger had taken out. I feel truly comfortable now.

2. Finished my 5th semester. 3 more to go.

3. Allah lets me live healthy and happily until today.

Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Dear backstabber,

You're immature. TRULY IMMATURE. Just because a small misunderstanding, you treat me such way. You curse like uneducated and no moral person. The lazy one is you, the indiscipline one is you, the one that made the lecturer angry is you. Again, IT'S YOU. See who's the troublesome one?

The reason I didn't fight back because I'm mature enough to understand that my anger towards our misunderstanding won't resolve anything. I'M NOT YOU, that's why I don't curse back. I could get better back up instead you did, but I just kept silent because I don't like to make a small matter turns to a big trouble. Getting back up for fight? I've grown up, UNLIKE YOU! However, I never hate you because I'm not one whom keep grudge like YOU!

YOU'RE JUST LIKE CLOUDS, MY DAY IS MUCH BRIGHTER WHEN YOU'RE GONE. =)

Maybe the reason Allah removes someone from my life is to protect me. If so, I'm truly grateful. ^__^

Day 6 – A song to match your mood.

There's a place for us - Carrie Underwood, Narnia 3 Soundtrack

Sort of out of blue thinking I don't really understand what the lecturer just told me about my assignment, but let it be, there's a place for me, means I must believe I could do better in making lesson plan and be a creative teacher. Think positive :)

cranky

if you're one whom had authority to talk about it, then BE IT.
i never blame on your specialty, because that's what GOD has given to you.
but 1 mistake you've done was by your GOOD-FOR-NOTHING statement, that helps NOTHING to me, and others.

yes, i say NOTHING because i don't want to pick on you!
grow up, MAN! think back who you are!
though you PISSed me OFF, i stay silent, because I'M NOT YOU, INDEED!

because you're one whom said something without thinking.
luckily not all humankind in this world are same as you. i'm very thankful for it.